i already forget how i used to feel about you

My blog was never meant for documenting my day-to-day life because i dont quite fancy the idea of opening my life up for the world to dissect and bitch about. But after moving to NZ i have to say i must change this idea because there are people who care and want to know what's up with me. So I'll try. I'll try.

ok im really very very sorry to everyone for not updating for not emailing for not communicating. im REALLY VERY SORRY. i havent mailed my mom in ages she must be worried sick. the truth is, i have reasons!!

1. im stressed out by sch work. dun kill me, i know sg is far worse than nz, but im taking 2 post-grad courses and do u know HOW intimidating that is?! i havent even thot of a topic for my thesis for my human rights course, the thesis for my offences against the person is so vague AND due in 2 weeks. AH damnit. my IP and International Law modules are so boring and heavy-going. i really chose the wrong courses! oh well, but not like i had many choices, other courses are jsut so not relevant to sg, like Maori Land Law. I know that's the whole point of going for exchange, to experience a different culture altogether but the truth is, employers are going to look at what you took in uni and they are going to balk at the fact that i took Maori Land Law because hell that is so not relevant!

2. I havent had internet connection for a while. Yes. because i have been watching episodes of desperate housewives and fullhouse on youtube and i only have 1 gb worth of bandwidth per wk. which means i constantly exceed my bandwidth and i get disconnected from the internet. Even if i do not exceed my bandwidth, the internet connection here is terrible. i keep getting cut off from msn etc. the connection is just really unstable.

3. I've been busy. I've finally made new friends. I joined the International Christian Fellowship and they're just really really nice people! Well, somehow there are so many Asians in the ICF even though it was this white guy who told us about the ICF. It's such a coincidence, because he and his gf were in singapore for the exchange programme last year! So when they overheard us telling another white guy that we were from singapore in the LT, they were immediately excited and stuff. it's just so cool that we know them, they've been showing us around, taking us out etc.

Ok time for updates.

A. I'm officially an obasan.

1. I made CONGEE today. oh my goodness. Ok i have to say that i havent cooked since the last time. I decided to cook because all the meat was going to spoil soon. My tomatoes and veg and mushrooms all started to turn yellow and mouldy. my kiwi fruit was soft and soggy. the only thing that keeps me alive is kitkat. i eat 4 kitkat chunky a day and 2 HUGE BAGS of jalaleno corn chips. im a monster. im just so lazy to cook. anyway, my congee turned out ok i guess. not the way i expected it, but oh well. it's edible. quite tasty if i may say so myself tho a tad bit too much sesame oil.

2. I cleaned the house today. Which means vacuuming scrubbing disinfecting. That took the WHOLE day. It's a bit tedious to tell you exactly what i had to do, but basically i turned the apartment from a smelly war-tone area to nice-smelling cosy apartment. for which im extremely proud. well, elvin did help. he washed the toilet bowl. :):):) which is great because oh my goodness, i was jsut staring at the toiletbowl and wondering how the hell do i wash this creature. alas, our other housemate horace doesnt care for cleanliness at all. he walks around in his SHOES!! to the toilet, around the house. oh my gosh, when i saw him stepping into my room, my newly-vacuumed carpeted room with his shoes, i wanted to faint. And when he walked in the TOILET WITH HIS SHOES ON. whoa. i was just resisting the urge to scream. all our hard work!! well, he's moving out on friday, so best not to make a scene. he's going to move in with his girlfriend, we didn't chase him out. don't get me wrong, we are not on bad terms with him at all. we don't even communicate. it's just that i really cant stand how he walks around in his shoes. im a stickler for cleanliness. i cant stand mess.

3. I do my laundry and i iron too. Ok im the sort of person who presses her jeans her pyjamas her bedsheets, EVERYTHING. the only thing i dun press are my towels. yes i have pressed underwear. but that was in sg when i had the luxury of a maid. So now i have to learn. Now ive never ironed anything other than a handkerchief in my life so when i actually managed to iron my bedsheet (oh gosh that was a torture) quilt cover, skirt, tshirts etc.. i was so proud of myself. ok the laundry part is idiot-proof. just throw into the machine and follow instructions. but the ironing part. i am so domesticated now.

B. I'm going for a ski trip!! hurray!! well, i have no idea how to ski but that's the whole point! I'm going to learn. :):):) It's pretty cheap too.

C. After coming to NZ, i really appreciate Singapore. I mean, its CHEAP. and efficient. when our internet connection had problems, we went down to the office and complained. they looked at us and told us "we know you are having problems. it's not our fault. it's TELSTRA's fault (the service provider)". In Singapore, the administrators would do something about it even if it's not their fault. That's just one incident. The people here are only concerned with what is within their job scope and nothing else. Oh they had a protest recently because the government is introducing a new bill which allows a 90day probation period for employees. So if after 90days the employer decides the employee won't do, he can fire the employee. Which sounds perfectly ok to me. and here the NZlanders make a whole big hoo-ha about it. Complaining about the lack of job security etc. Oh come on. In Singapore, our govt TELLS US NOT TO EXPECT JOB SECURITY. the ppl here are so sheltered and pampered. gdness! they protest for everything. Students here get living allowances and really really subsidised school fees. And they're asking for more. they want the govt to pay for FULL living allowances and FULL school fees.

D. NZlanders think spore is a barbaric nation. During our human rights class, this general from the NZ Army was sharing about how he felt obligated to stop the torturing of this guy. This guy was slapped to force him to talk. SLAPPING'S A TORTURE?!?!?! oh my goodness. And when they heard Spore doesnt recognise marital rape and that our parliament has very few female MPs, they were just flabbergasted. you can see the shock in their eyes and they don't know what to say. If i tell them Singapore has a death penalty and whipping and stuff i think they will just break down and cry. Oh, i was talking to this white guy and he was telling me about what he heard about SIngapore. Apparently, we are not allowed to vote for the opposition. He heard that there was this guy who wanted to vote for the Worker's Party very very badly. But the PAP threatened to kill his brother if he did. He was sobbing as he related the tale to 2 NZlanders about how he really wants to vote for the opposition but he cant. OMG. how distorted an image is that?!!? it's such an exaggeration. When i tried to defend singapore, the white guy kept saying im brainwashed by the PAP. wth?!

ok more updates to come. for now, just think about how misunderstood sporeans are. oh my gosh, threatened with death?! apparently, everyone hates the PAP and they are not the most popular party. my white friend is just waiting for the day he can go to singapore and use his FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION. because they will not prosecute you if you are a foreigner. hmm. what a laugh.

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have you ever met a person who just takes your breath away with a single glance? who you click with so well it feels like he is your soulmate and you can never find another like that again? does he make you laugh when you're together and smile even when you're alone just thinking of him? do you find yourself obsessing about how to see him again, how to find an excuse just to call him to msg him? do you worry about how you look days before you're next expected to meet him? is every encounter with him always too short? do you think about how to make him happy with little surprises and little gifts? do you wonder what he likes to eat what he likes to do, the type of music he likes, his views on a particular issue?

do you also know what it is like hate this person with every particle in your being? because he has destroyed you. because he has robbed you of everything you are. because you just cannot get over him. for what is hate but another form of passion, just as love is? the opposite of love is the lack of passion, not hate. beneath the recesses of hate is a lingering passion, a reminder of how much you still love him. do you know what it is like to love a person you hate? do you know what it is like to not be able to get over a person no matter how hard you try, no matter how many years it has been?

one day we will look back and see that we have come out of this dark dark pit. we will find that we can get over a person. there seems to be this switch which turns all our emotions off and everything becomes a thing of the past. but while you are still in the dark, groping for that switch, it is a struggle. every moment is living agony because it feels like this switch does not exist. that you are never ever going to be able to find it.

it is ironical that sometimes the person who makes you the happiest is also the person who devastates you. my maid, who i grew up with, said that my best friend would be my best enemy. she warned me to be careful of people i was close to. how cynical and how protective. yet on hindsight, what wise words. people will never understand the depth of these words until they have known the pains of betrayal. what is like to trust another with everything you have and are only to have the other person turn around and trample upon everything you have entrusted him with. the feeling of having your self-worth stamped on till it's nothing but.. well, really nothing at all.

betrayal is a terrible feeling. you feel abandoned you feel tricked you feel indignant you feel short-changed. and yet life isn't a contract where you can get remedies for broken promises. and the best thing to do is to forgive.

When somebody loved me,
everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together,
lives within my heart

And when she was sad,
I was there to dry her tears
And when she was happy, so was i,
when she loved me.

Through the summer and the fall,
we had each other, that was all
Just she and I together,
like it was meant to be

And when she was lonely,
I was there to comfort her
And I knew that she loved me.

So the years went by,
I stayed the same
And she began to drift away,
I was left alone

Still I waited for the day,
when she'd say "i will always love you."
Lonely and forgotten,
never thought she'd look my way,

She smiled at me and held me,
just like she used to do,
Like she loved me,
when she loved me

When somebody loved me,
everything was beautiful,
Every hour we spent together,
lives within my heart

When she loved me.

hurt me once shame on you
hurt me twice shame on me for letting you
hurt me thrice?

no looking back.

sorry. been lazy to update. school has started and ive been exhausted. i dunno from what. anyway, i cooked. like from scratch. from the peeling, cutting, dicing, chopping, mincing, boiling, frying, washing.. i did it ALL BY MYSELF WITHOUT HELP OR SUPERVISION. whoaa. seriously proud of myself. soup (more like broth cos i put in so much ingredients and i simmered for like 4,5 hrs so its mamamia.) veg, omelette (which turned out nice and fluffy just like my grandmama's. which meat i MINCED because i didnt have minced meat then), chilli pork (really really good cos the sambal is the authentic one i brought from home) and rice. im really so proud of myself. I have never ever cooked rice before in my life. Nor fried vegetables nor made soup or anything like that. it was my first time peeling a potato and judging portions etc. i know its no big deal cos the dishes i made were very simple but it is an achievement to me because im really not domesticated. the next thing i must learn is how to use the washing machine. haha..

Baby don't you break my heart slow
Vonda Shepard

I like the way you wanted me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you needed me
Every time things got rocky

I was believing in you
Am I mistaken do you say,
Do you say what you mean
I want our love to last forever

(chorus)
But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

I like the way you'd hold me
Every night for so long baby
And I like the way you'd say my name
In the middle of the night
While you were sleeping

I was believing in you
Was I mistaken
Do you mean, mean what you say
When you say our love could last forever

(chorus)
Well I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby dont you break my heart slow

(bridge)
You would run around and lead me on forever
While I wait at home still thinking we're together
I wanted our love to last forever

I was believing in you.

(chorus)
Well Id rather you be mean than love and lie
Id rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
Id rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby dont you break my heart slow

(chorus)

we're taking 2 post grad modules and 2 undergrad courses. HOW COOL IS THAT? I was quite intimidated initially because the ppl in the classes would be honours and masters students which means it will be difficult and it will be intensive. I have to write a thesis!! wow. At first we didn't have a choice because all the undergrad modules were snapped up so we had no choice but to look at post grad modules. but the post grad modules looked so interesting we ended up taking 2!

Offences Against the Person
This course looks at aspects of offences against the person, including murder and manslaughter. The goal is to use this narrow range of offences to increase students' understanding of criminal law generally. Possible topics relating to murder and manslaughter include the doctrine of transferred malice, the meaning of 'major departure' in negligent manslaughter, a critical analysis of 'unlawful act manslaughter', whether murder under s167(d) is a form of felony murder, causation problems, and the partial defences of provocation and diminished responsibility. With non-fatal offences against the person, possible topics include the continuing influence of the Offences Against the Person Act 1861 (UK), the rationale of the offence 'man assaults women', the availability of consent as a defence, the infliction of injury during sporting matches, and criminal responsibility for reckless transmission of HIV/AIDS.

Interdisciplinary Human Rights
The seminar will explore human rights from an interdisciplinary angle, to challenge and to expand the lawyer's view on human rights and provide a more comprehensive grounding in the subject. Guest speakers from other disciplines such as politics and philosophy will be invited. Professor Paul Morris, who will co-teach the course, will bring his expertise in regard to human rights and religion. Students are encouraged to choose a topic with an interdisciplinary angle.


On top of the above 2 post grad courses ill be taking 2 undergrad courses, IP Across Borders and International Law.

Our timetable is DAMN SLACK. haha like y2 law sch all over again.

Mon: 3.40pm-5.30pm; 7.40pm-9.30pm
Tues: 9.30am-11.30am
Wed: 10.30am-11.20am
Thurs: 9.30am-10.20am
Fri: 10.30am-12.20pm

SHIOK.

condiments.. seasonings..












frozen meat













snacks













leftover food














canned food.. :)
















see? im not starving here. so dun worry.

my table










close-up








my wardrobe. or clothes rack









my bed










the kitchen

ok where do i start. im in windy wellington (and its called that for a reason, was really nearly swept off my feet today.)

ok let's start saturday. i dun normally blog abt my day to day events but i really dunno how to update everyone cept thru this.

Saturday
Flight sq285. all my favourite ppl came down to send me off and i was really so super touched. thank you ALL!!!!!!! and to my frens who cried.. ILL BE BACK SOONER THAN YOU THINK!! maybe even nov. see how yea? By the time i entered the gate it was like last call alr so we really had to run to the gate which was no where near the gate at all. And they made me remove my boots at the checkpoint which delayed us further.

I took first class which was like the shiokest of shiok. my dad says that this first class is different from the other first class. once you tried this first class you won't want any other first class. personal tv (not lcd screen. TV.), own writing table with writing materials, quality pyjamas, fully reclinable leather seats, everything has the "F" on it so that was pretty cool. Yea it was really pretty atas. felt like a queen.. haha ok im exaggerating. not much diff from raffles class actually. i havent taken first in a long time because they're phasing it out. so yea its roomier with more compartments to store stuff but ok la. raffles is comfy too. i mean its really posh and all but honestly, paying 10K+++ for it is a bit siao. service wasnt impeccable so i guess it wasnt all that wonderful. it was good but not GREAT. so yea.. my parents and i werent too impressed by that flight.

i was SO exhausted because i hadnt slept for nearly 48hrs. ok maybe i had 1 or 2 naps of an hr each but thats really it. i slept the entire flight cept for meals. managed to watch 1.5 movies. Wish I could finish She's The Man but didnt manage to. They had really good movies like le enfant and lotsa korean shows and V for Vendetta etc but i was KO from the moment I boarded.

Some ppl are going to think im filthy rich and spoilt at this point of time. WHAT? SHE FLEW FIRST CLASS? AND HER PARENTS FLEW DOWN WITH HER JUST TO SETTLE HER DOWN. AND THEY FLEW FIRST CLASS TOO? WASSUP WITH THAT? ok guys, my dad works for sia. we get it free. if we didnt i think ill be taking like brunei airlines or sth.

Sunday
reached auckland.

ran into this hk couple who didnt know a word of english at all. they didnt fill up their immigration form and they didnt even know what an airticket was. so my parents were roped in to help them. luckily they know cantonese or i think the couple wld be squatting in some auckland detention centre or sth. later they refused to wait for us while we claimed damages for our luggage (a handle came off). they had food with them and they didnt know how to speak english or where to go. maybe they really are at the detention centre. hmm.

i had a bottle of chilli with me so i declared it. Because of that one little bottle of chilli i had to let them inspect all my bags which is a whopping XXkg. (shall not scare ppl with how much i brought but in my own defense, if you had 120kg you would bring all this too!) later they detected methanine (what's that?) among my bags. i didnt even know they passed my bags through a scanner or sth or that they ran tests on my bags. so anyway we had to check everything all over again for any drugs. they couldnt find any so they had to let us pass. that entire inspection took 2hrs! so even though we landed an hr early, we departed an hr later den expected. so anyhow the inspection was really strict. insanely i would say. the officer next to us was examining every page of a notebook, scanning thru the contents and shaking notebooks and all.

i think it's cos the bags belonged to an indian. they are so racist here! i jsut stepped out of immigration, got a trolley and IMMEDIATELY got stopped by an officer demanding to see my passport. HELLO? i just crossed immigration. you saw the guy checking my passport. do i look like an illegal immigrant to you? and they are really rude just cos we're chinese. "what are you doing in new zealand? why new zealand? show me your money. show me proof that you're enrolled in a university. where are you staying? show me proof. what's in your bags? (oh please i just went through a 2hr check!) what are you studying? Are you sure? (what do you mean are you sure? of cos im sure of what im studying.) why are you in auckland when you are studying in wellington?" they even doubted whether my passport was real. any more reason to doubt that the illiterate (cant even read chinese characters) and non-english speaking couple is detained?

I thot it was really warm at first.. was walking arnd in spag strap and jeans haha but omg as we travelled down, on came the layers as well.. haha. prices are SO HIGH!!! our first bottle of water (1.5l) was $3.50!!!! gdness. ok compared to elvin who got his 600ml for $5, i guess we're lucky. sigh. nz is madness.

Monday
Continued travelling down towards Wellington. Lake Tapoe is breathtaking to say the least. It's 1 and 1/3 the size of Singapore. Biggest lake in the North Island. Imagine snowcapped mountains glowing pink from the sunrise. The foliage of dark green amidst hues of purple and red and grey. the vastness of the huge lake. And incredible depths created by the shadows cast by the mountains. Clouds that hover over the horizon in a single layer. they arent separated but just a long long line of dreamy mist. As we drove, my dad was giving us geog lessons. did u know auckland was born out of volcanoes? And that there are 3 types of volcanoes? Not the active dormant blah blah.. but the shapes of volcanoes and how they're formed. He was trying to explain it to my mom and me but we're no geog students. so its like talking over the head.

Reached Wellington at abt 1.30. The apartment's great. small but cosy. unlike pgp which SUCKSSSS. Waited for elvin but he didnt turn up. thot he didnt want to come after all. its just amazing how expensive this place is. maggi mee's like 60c per packet. 1/3 of a brocolli at $4, cauliflower at $5. tomatoes at $1 each. BEANSPROUTS AT $5. COME ON MAN. DAU GE LEHHHH... in elvin's (guy from law also on exchange to wellie for a sem) words, "its disgusting"

tuesday
met elvin and joanne. (joanne's from architecture.) poor things. their flight got cancelled at auckland because of bad weather and they had to rebook everything and compete with everyone at the airport because the entire airport was closed. this was why he was so late. He arrived to find me missing because I went to stay at my parent's hotel for the night. so poor guy was stuck home with no one around in freezing temperatures and running a degree of 37degrees.

ok it was more than cold. According to elvin's sources (i.e. manager at bank who liked him so much she gave him tax rate of only 15% instead of 39% like the guy who handled my accounts) the winter's the coldest since 1972. He was freezing because he wasnt wearing enough clothes. Can you believe this guy brought berms and tshirts? the winds are so strong you can literally feel yourself blown away and im really not kidding.

we drove off to get our bank accounts settled, sim cards settled, groceries done.. we had to drive to a nearby town (ok not near, half an hrs drive) to get groceries cos it's just too expensive to buy in the cbd area. which was ok since my dad was around to drive us and all. bought ALOT of food. now i have $200 cash to last me for a wk. that's about 6,7 meals? and im talking stuff like fishball noodles only.

my parents left for the hotel and i wun be seeing them anymore till nov/dec. which sucks. miss them already. did i mention what a help they have been? they're so sweet. i dunno what i would have done without them. all the bank accounts rubbish, i would never have known what to do if not for my dad. there are so many different accounts and interest rates and tax rates and fixed deposits and perks and charges and goodness knows what else. thank God for my dad. and his wallet of course. :) if not for my mom, i wouldn't know that $1 for a tomato is expensive, that Singapore sells it for abt 20c only. I wouldnt know that you cant keep defrosting meat cos they will go bad. that you cant freeze fresh meat and expect them to last a few months. that i need 36 rolls of toilet paper and 10kg of rice to last me till nov. I really wouldnt know what's expensive and what's not. Even if you told me that rice at $50 was cheap I would have bought the story. so my parents have been a real real help and driving really helped since it allowed us to travel out of wellington city into the suburbs.

this trip is costing a lot of money. it's even more expensive to live here than in US. at least in US the portions are HUGE so you can share. and tax rates are not 12.5%!! this is costing my dad so much money. i feel so terribly guilty and grateful to my parents. It's not that they cannot afford it but it is a lot of money and they have to tighten their belts back home for my sake and i just feel bad about it.

anyway, after they left, i set up my internet, tried to settle down in the apartment and found to my dismay that my simcard was spoilt. im sorry for those i havent contacted because i have NO AUTOROAM and NO SIM CARD. it was freezing cold (remember coldest winter since 1972?) and for some reason they didnt turn on the heater so i was huddled in a corner in my room trying to keep warm, hugging and rubbing my toes to keep warm. really really cold at night esp since it rained thru the night.

Wednesday (today)
supposed to have orientation at 9am. but when we went down there was no one. maybe we should have gone half an hr earlier. oh wells. we'll jsut flounder and die when school starts then. weathe's a lil too gloomy and wet to go out. not to mention cold and windy. bad combi. :(

so i hear that germany's outta the world cup since italy scored twice in the last 2 min. well. what a pity because i left when it was 80 sth minutes into the game. if i had stayed another half an hr i would have caught the whole big hooha.

so thats it. a brief summary of my time in nz so far.