i already forget how i used to feel about you

i went to the doctor today because i have this growth at my ear cartillage, where my top piercing is. It's not a piercing infection though, because my piercing was done some 4,5 years ago. Besides, there was no pus.

I went paranoid thinking it was a keloid because keloids are notoriously difficult to treat because they have a high chance of recurrence even after surgery. Not only that, the operation might cause the formation of more scar tissue, resulting in an even bigger keloid than before. :(

next, i worried my mind sick over the possibility that i might have cancer. What would happen? Would I have to cut my ear off? Would I have to walk around with my hair down forever? Would I die? Would ear cancer be difficult to cure?

I started praying that it would be a keloid after all. Thankfully it is neither a tumour nor a keloid, but just skin tissue that can be easily removed. Although that would mean yet another scar on my body. :(

I dont know when the surgery will be, but it will just be a minor one, hopefully asap, before school starts. I should stop getting piercings. all my piercings get rejected by my body. as much as i adore navel piercings, mine is all out of shape and disgusting. sigh.

i feel happy oh so happy
i feel happy and witty and bright!

ive been feeling really sick and tired of everything that has been going on in my life for a while now. somehow nothing ever seems to go right, everything lies in limbo, hovering in the region of the unknown. i just really want to start everything all over again instead of living so aimlessly not knowing where im headed. just not in the mood to talk or communicate anymore, wish things were right again.

ive waited so long for things to be right again, ive already forgotten what it was like when things were fine. ive kinda given up on the hope that things will ever be right again. im seeking some form of hope in my life but my stubborn nature refuses to accept what life has for me. Yet im increasingly feeling that perhaps my obduracy is the very cause of this lachrymosity i battle.

have you ever had so much to say but not say it till one day you realise that in the end there really is nothing left to say? or maybe you have waited so long for some words to be said but you have waited so long that those words don't mean anything anymore.

i guess the boat has really been missed this time round.

I went to City Harvest Church today to experience their worship. It was unbelievable to say the very least, amazing with a capital A. I'm not saying whether that is good or bad. For one, it was practically like a concert of sorts. I mean, its H U G E. gigantic even. Complete with live broadcast, state of the art electronics, powerful choir and even more powerful worship leaders. Fantastic singing, crazy turn-out.. I was completely blown away.

Let me say first and foremost that I have nothing against the church. I know that it has received a lot of flake because they are so huge and so rich. Their church is insanely expensive. They have pastor turned secular singer who they now claim was never a pastor to begin with. However, I really don't think there's anything wrong with the church. After all, I'm not in the church, who am I to judge another church? After all, as long as the teachings are sound and the church is seeking God's way, that's a good church.

But I was shocked (to put it mildly) when I heard the message. The pastor started off telling us that we would be learning about Shamgar, who had a grand total of 2 verses referring to him in the entire bible. Let me show you the two verses.

Judges 3:

31 After Ehud came Shamgar son of Anath, who struck down six hundred Philistines with an oxgoad. He too saved Israel.

Judges 5:
6 "In the days of Shamgar son of Anath, in the days of Jael, the roads were abandoned; travelers took to winding paths.

Right.. he then went on to tell us a story, of how Shamgar was hunting for a deer, caught a deer, wanted to share it with Reuben but found Reuben's corn field on fire. He then realised that Israel was under attack by the Philistines, and he crept up behind them and killed them with an oxgoad. The Israelites wanted to compromise with the Philistines thinking they did not have a judge like Joshua to lead them anymore but Shamgar said no..

Now can anyone tell me which part of the bible links Shamgar and Reuben? How did Reverend Kong Hee come up with this fantastic story? I was sitting there listening and asking my friend where in the Bible such a wonderful tale is found. I mean Shamgar was, according to Reverend Kong Hee, "the hero of heroes". And the story is really quite amazing (you have to be there to experience how charismatic the reverend is and how animated his story-telling ways are), so that I must have at least heard about it. But no, those two verses were the only 2 mentions of Shamgar in the entire bible. So what, was the Reverend making up his own tale? I'm aghast. Totally disgusted. I mean, the general idea and all was ok, they were sound but heyyyyy that story of Shamgar was NOT in the bible.

Next, he said that education was very important, it was our tool, our weapon. Ok, that is reasonable. But he made the whole church pray so that everyone would have the capabilities to get a university degree, to get educated as much as possible. Yes, God wants the best for us, but this best differs from person to person. Some people are not cut out for academics. So? Just because a person doesn't choose books doesn't mean that that's not God's will for him. I felt that that was completely and totally ridiculous.

Well, perhaps I really misinterpreted the entire thing. But I was there with 5 other people and we were all shocked by the message. You know what, maybe I can even accept (albeit half-heartedly) the part about education. Maybe I really misunderstood the whole thing. But I cannot tolerate him telling fantastical stories about Reuben and Shamgar when it's not in the bible. That's just wrong. You don't add stuff to the bible. All it says is that Shamgar saved Israel from the Philistines. How did the whole Reuben's corn field, slaying of the Philistines, convincing Israelites parts come about? It's preposterous.

What's the point of waving the bible around, proclaiming it to be the true book, and that it will change your life when you don't use it correctly? you don't add stuff to the bible. period.

I'm sorely disappointed.