i already forget how i used to feel about you

as i read up on gay pride in singapore, i came upon this extract regarding christianity and gays.

"...However, the panel member pointed out that in his experiences at a sauna, there have been instances where he had encountered a willingness between strangers to give respect and tenderness in the act of sexual sharing, and that it was possible to glimpse God in that act. He went as far as to say that perhaps Jesus can manifest himself even via the person one encounters in a sauna. "

Jesus can manifest himself via sex with a stranger at the sauna?! I'm speechless. What an absolutely warped view of Christianity. What's happening to this world. to go as far as to say sex with a stranger is an encounter with Jesus is completely and totally ridiculous. How did the person even get it out of his mouth.

random thoughts
i just suddenly thought about something the guys were talking abt a while ago. they were talking about a certain blow-job queen and describing her as cheap. they claimed their sources were accurate because they heard it from a receiver himself.

why is it that girls are called cheap and easy and loose and guys are elevated on some podium of sorts? the world is so terribly unfair. i mean a guy can blackmail a girl because of a certain sexual misbehaviour that she had but a girl cant seem to blackmail a guy on that. well, we know that there are certain things that a guy is sensitive about, and that you can blackmail about. but about the act itself, its hardly going to give you any hold over him.

"ill tell people you slept with me". that only seems to work one way. well, of course that's assuming the guy is not attached or anything like that. or that he's not the president or pope for that matter. it seems that guys really dont have much to lose. its not shameful like it is for girls.

and why should it be this way? why dont guys feel embarrassed as girls tend to be? why doesn't society judge guys as it does girls?

Crazy Japanese Port-O-Potty Prank - video powered by Metacafe

had my first racist attack today. ive heard so much about the racism in christchurch, but i never really experienced it first hand in wellington. it sounds really scary in christchurch, what with gang rapes and verbal abuses along streets, water splashing incidents.. shudders.

anyway i was walking home from school and this white trash shouted at me from the bus that stopped at the traffic lights. i couldnt really make out what he was saying but it was something along the lines of "asian bitch", "get your asian ass back where it belongs", "fucking kid fucker (ok this i really dont understand. is he saying im a paedophile or is he saying i look like a kid?)"

well, not to worry, im not shaking or anything like that. i did expect some form of racism when i came. and i do experience it to a certain extent, people expect you to be stupid because you are chinese, talking down to you and all. "walk along the BLUUUUEEE line. do.. you.. un..der..stand..what..is..coming...out..oFF..my..mouth..?" wth. or when they speak really loudly to you like they expect you to be deaf.

but this was just passive, i have never had such an overtly racist encounter like this till today. the ugly side of wellington rears its head.

should i go back to singapore? should i shorten my exchange? i really feel like it. but the incredulous workload in singapore is so scary!! and i get to travel all i want here. i love travelling.

Lately, I have had the strangest feeling
With no vivid reason here to find
But yet the thought of losing you has been hanging
round my mind

Far more frequently you're wearing perfume
And with you say no special place to go
But when I ask will you be coming back soon
You dont know, never know

Well, Im a man of many wishes
Hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes wont let me hide
cause they always start to cry

cause this time could mean goodbye

Lately Ive been staring in the mirror
Very slowly picking me apart
Trying to tell myself I have no reason
With your heart

Just the other night while you were sleeping
I vaguely heard you whisper someones name
But when I ask you of the thoughts you're keeping
You just say, nothings changed

Well, Im a man of many wishes
I hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes wont let me hide
cause they always start to cry

cause this time could mean goodbye, goodbye

Oh, Im a man of many wishes
I hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes wont let me hide
cause they always start to cry

cause this time could mean goodbye





when the hurt is sharp and pain, you cry.
when the hurt is dull and hollow, you ache.

the mrbrown show 29Aug06:TalkingCock in Parlimen-Imran Johri

omg i just miss singapore so damn much.

i really didnt know abt indignation 2006! im just so cut off, so far away from singapore. :(

i want to go back NOW.

Indignation 2006 - TCP - Hossan Leong (With lyrics)

i love singapore. :)

i just HAD to add on to his embarrassment

how_jr@yahoo.com.sg says:
its official...i'm lame
how_jr@yahoo.com.sg says:
thanks to u
how_jr@yahoo.com.sg says:
faint
how_jr@yahoo.com.sg says:
plus my msn address is displayed for all to see
how_jr@yahoo.com.sg says:
soon i'll have ppl adding me to msn and they'll go
how_jr@yahoo.com.sg says:
"Hi junren..nice to meet u. Tell me a lame joke!"

hahaha this is soo lame. junren and i were discussing between which overnight cruise to take when we go travelling, milford sound or doubtful sound.


:: euniverse :: says:
doubtful sounds 400
:: euniverse :: says:
milfords 360
how_jr@yahoo.com.sg says:
o
how_jr@yahoo.com.sg says:
milford then?
how_jr@yahoo.com.sg says:
i haven't heard much about doubtful sound
:: euniverse :: says:
ok.. cheaper too
how_jr@yahoo.com.sg says:
yea la...doubtful sound sounds doubtful
how_jr@yahoo.com.sg says:
argh ok screw it
:: euniverse :: says:
HAHAHA
how_jr@yahoo.com.sg says:
i never said tt
how_jr@yahoo.com.sg says:
noooo
:: euniverse :: says:
im going to blog this.
:: euniverse :: says:
hahaha
how_jr@yahoo.com.sg says:
......
how_jr@yahoo.com.sg says:
ok
how_jr@yahoo.com.sg says:
u my as well paste the chat log as evidence haha


i don't know why i found it so funny but i did. damn lame.

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/197423/crazy_japanese_taxi/

ok i tried embedding it into blogspot but for some reason i couldn't. this is the most elaborate prank ive ever seen. i wonder if it's fake. but if it is real omg. its one helluva prank.

its abt this guy who's late for a meeting. when the cab finally comes, the cabbie asks if he is late. so he says yes and the cabbie starts driving off.

i think the best part was when the cabbie asks for 660 yen at the end of it all.

Smile
Though your heart is breaking

Smile
Even though it's aching

When there are clouds
In the sky,
You'll get by

If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow

Smile
And maybe tomorrow

You'll find the sun
Come shining through

For you

Light up your face
with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear
May be ever so near

That's the time
You must keep on trying

Smile
What's the use of crying?

You'll find that life
Is still worth-while

If you just smile

Smile

for the last time. i do NOT have a boyfriend. neither am i "unofficially" taken. if there has to be a man in my life, i have two. because my flatmates are both male. i am not committed to anyone. will you just stop it.

for those who know me, im a relativist. im a radical relativist. i don't believe that human rights are universal, i don't believe justice means the same for everyone. the only absolute i believe in is of God and that everything else is relative. Yes, i reiterate. the only absolute is God and relativity.

Let me explain why I think human rights is just bullshit. I see the value of democracy. I see the advantages of equality. I see why human rights are "right". but i don't think that just because it is the right thing to me that everyone else should subscribe to my view.

I don't think democracy is a right or equality or fairness for that matter. Why should it be a right? I don't think God is fair, I think these are man-made concepts and since they don't come from God, they aren't absolute.

God is not fair, He is just. I have said it a million times. If God was fair, he would not have favoured Abel over Cain, Jacob over Esau (or let Jacob get away with cheating), Israel over other nations. If God is fairness, there would be no such thing as grace. If everything was equal, would we appreciate what we have? Or will we just think it is our prerogative, it is our right? I don't think anyone can dispute that God did love some more than others. Note that it does not mean that He does not love everyone. Just that He loved some more than others. And who are we to say anything? He's God.

What makes something right or something wrong? Isn't it a value judgment? It is right or wrong because of a fundamental moral basis. Murder is wrong because we believe in the sanctity of life. That's a moral call. Torture is wrong because we believe in kindness. That's morality too. And at the heart of it, as long as it is just, it is "right".

What then, is justice? Justice is relative. Justice is based on morality which is relative. So is it not logical to say that rights are relative? If you think I am suffering but I don't think I am, am I really suffering? It's a question of perception.

If rights are universal then they must be absolute. Yet it is a fact that rights evolve. Years ago, was it a right to live in a environmetally-friendly society? Was it a right to have the government pay for your school fees? What were privileges are now seen as rights. The fact that there are first, second, third, fourth, even fifth generation human rights show that rights are not absolute at all. And it does not make sense to say that human rights exist. Human rights exist because we are human. Years ago, our ancestors were human. Why is it that education was a privilege for them then but it is our right now? Were they less human than we are? Clearly, what is a right pivots on the circumstances and perceptions.

Why is it that Singapore's brand of democracy is being slammed? I accept that we dont have the pure form of Western democracy. So? What makes the Western form the ideal form? Because it corresponds to the basis of equality and right to self-rule. And why is that correct? It is only correct if you believe that equality is a right. But just because it is a right to you does not make it a right.

If I don't think I'm suffering and I don't think I have a right but you think that I do have a right and that that right is being violated, who is right? Even if we have rights, do we have the right to reject such rights? Do we have the right to reject pure forms of democracy?

I think people often criticise without thinking. We assume too much. We take things for granted and we assume that because it is generally accepted that it is right. For goodness sake, what is wrong about slavery? Slavery was intended as a form of debt-repayment. If you cant pay off your debt, you work.

I'm not saying my values are starkly in contrast with the generally accepted principles. I do believe in equality but I also acknowledge that not everyone agrees with me. And I don't purport to impose what I think is right on others just because it is generally accepted.

I know my views are radical but its my opinion. Im not expecting you to agree with me because eveyrthing is relative. With the exception of God, of course. :)

statues and sculptures are everywhere

really love this picture, of a dad watching his baby girl play on the rocks

buskers

encapsulates the culture. nuff said.

mt vic

te papa, wellington's musuem

cafe culture

view from the wharf

poem chalked on the floor by some street poet

just when i thought i had seen the last of you and heard the last of you.

waltz into my life as if it is only natural and bewilder me so.

I took my troubles down to Madam Ruth.
You know, that Gypsy with the gold capped tooth.
She's got a store front down at Thirty Fourth and Vine,
sellin' little bottles of
Love Potion Number Nine.

I told her that I was a flop with chicks.
I've been that way since Nineteen Fifty Six.
She looked at my palm and she made a magic sign.
She said, "What you need is Love Potion Number Nine."

She bent down and turned around and gave me a wink.
She said, "I'm gonna make it up right here in the sink."
It smelled like turpentine and looked like India ink.
I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I took a drink.

I didn't know if it was day or night,
I started kissin' ev'ry thing in sight.
But when I kissed a cop down at Thirty Fourth and Vine,
he broke my little bottle of Love Potion Number Nine.

She bent down, turned around and gave me a wink.
She said, "I'm gonna make it up right here in the sink."
It smelled like turpentine and looked like India ink.
I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I took a drink.

I didn't know if it was day or night,
I started kissin' ev'ry thing in sight.
I had so much fun that I'm goin' back again.

I wonder what happened with Love Potion Number Nine.
Love Potion Number Nine.
Love Potion Number Nine.
Love Potion Number Nine.
Love Potion Number Nine.

i need love potion no9 too.

but why the hell was this guy kissing a male cop and what does india ink look like?

Tuesdays with Morrie is undoubtedly the most emotional book that I've ever read. I know it's supposed to be an uplifting book but I was left so vulnerable after reading it, reduced to a pathetic weeping state, balled up in my bed crying uncontrollably.

i don't even know Morrie but i feel like i do. i really felt connected with him just through the writing of Mitch. it felt so real, so personal. When Morrie died, it felt like I was losing a very dear friend. I don't think I have ever cried while reading a book before. I only cry when I watch korean drama (scoff, yes scoff). But I don't cry that easily, really. In those dramas i felt like i could feel their pain since i felt close to the characters. I even felt like i knew them. their pain was my pain. I didnt cry in Titanic/Windstruck/Pearl Harbor or anything like that. maybe cos they are movies and i cant really identify with the characters. But this time, it really felt like a personal loss.

I'm terrible with goodbyes. I'm terrible with loss. I don't understand how people can say its an uplifting book. True, the stuff that Morrie taught were insightful and true. But i still felt so incredibly betrayed even though i knew he was dying right from the start. I feel like ive gotten to know him through his teachings and his thoughts. I really don't like death. I really don't like goodbyes.

I know its natural and that it's all part of being alive. It's not so much death that I hate but the thought of leaving people. I can't imagine living without certain people in my life, like my family. When the day comes to say goodbye to my grandmother or my mother, I don't know what I will do. I can't even handle the thought of living without them. I used to cry just at the very thought of losing my mother.

I remember thinking once when I was in primary school that I must not love my mother too much because I knew I would have to say goodbye one day and that if I loved her too much it would hurt me more than I could bear. Yes, I was morbid that way even as a child. There was this part where Morrie taught how you had to throw yourself fully into emotions to fully experience life. How you had to give in to fear to conquer fear.

And that takes strength. I'm too scared of looking loss in the eye and 'say take those I love, I do not fear.' I can't, I just can't. I don't ever want to let go of the ones I care so much about.

I guess that is why I have increasingly closed myself up as I grow older, wall up my heart so that I become impenetrable to a certain extent. Because loss is inevitable and along with it comes hurt. If you don't love, you don't hurt. i think for the first time in my life, i see that i am afraid to love.

Of course I know too that if you dont love you dont live. Life is about relationships and if you shy away from them and refuse to give of yourself to others that you might as well be dead. "love each other, or perish," Morrie said. I see his point, I really do. I agree that love is the most powerful force this world has ever known. It is the only thing that keeps the world going. It is because of love that relationships are borne; it is because of love that we are even here. It is because of God's love that we are forgiven and born again.

Yet, can someone teach me how to deal with loss? i know people have said that love carries on after death, that the relationship lives on in the heart. people also say that precisely because life has an end that you should treasure every second together because time together is limited. Others have said that having submitted everything to God, we should not be too upset when He chooses to take it away from us because it is all in His will. Or that death has only brought a person home to God, to paradise, away from this sinful world.

Yeah, that's all true. But it doesn't help. It's not going to lessen my pain of losing them. I'm glad they're somewhere better, I know I will always love them, I know I don't have any right over them and it's not in my position to demand they be with me. But it doesn't mean that I don't hurt or ache or despair in their absence.

this is why, all you people better live long blessed lives. I, on the other hand, am going to load up on fat, preservatives, everything chemically processed and hope I die young. I know it's damnit selfish. But hey, someone's gotta go first.

Eden's hell
See not me for touch me not.
Better by far that you not see,
Than see but not touch.
Sweetness to the eye but unripe to taste.

Love me but understand me naught.
Not by choice but by fault
For I know you but not myself;
In knowing you I lost myself.

To whom do I owe,
This wretched life of mine
I know not what I can offer,
If I know not what I have.

I know you better than I know me
This is the depth of my love.
Patience, my love, till the fruit is sweet
This is the depth and the length of my love.

To love you so much I have nothing to offer
To know of thy sweet love and yet be denied of thy forbidden touch.
Lord help me out-
Of this bittersweet conundrum.

on bitching.

i just read a blog where this certain someone was complaining about getting bitched about all the time. i found it really amusing because she described herself as someone simple and wondered why people liked to gossip about her. which was fine except that she neglected to mention that she's a horrid gossip herself. and she's the worst sort around. the world would be so much prettier if people just stopped bitching about each other.

im not saying im not guilty of it myself. i really love a good bitching session every now and then. its like shopping. its like therapy. in fact, it's an art. but it also shows us how pathetic we really are. read on.

there are 2 main reasons why gossiping is such fun.
1. curiosity
2. to be in-the-know.

now you see, people are innately curious creatures. that's the reason why pornography is so popular. if everyone walked around the street naked, would men still get excited over pictures of naked women? i honestly think if women wore hats all the time men would think it erotic to see the top of a women's head. "ooh hair.. that's hot!" maybe guys in the arab nations find noses a turn-on since the women are always wrapped up. "man..did you check out those huge-ass nostrils? whoa.."

and its so easy to get a person to curious. just go "OMG did you hear what happened? *wide eyes followed by several quick blinks* oh erm sorry. never mind. pretend i never said it. " and then you look away as if it was nothing big.

i tell you, the other person will be pestering you for hours. we are made to be curious.

we also want to be in-the-know. there's just something about knowing a piece of gossip. you don't go around telling people something everybody knows.. "did you know? have you heard? Brad Pitt's with Angelina. *smug beam*" oh man that's just pathetic. everyone knows that. it has to be something speculative, sensational, like "did you know? have you heard? Nicole Richie's with Lindsay Lohan." Something big like that, that people don't know or don't expect. It's as if having this piece of information automatically propels you to some hip and happening club. You walk around with a knowing smile, satisfied with the knowledge that YOU, yes you, know something. hey world, i know something you don't know. and that's sweet aint it.

even better than just knowing a piece of gossip is knowing the people being gossiped about. it lets you drop names and you feel like a big shot as if you are on the same level as these high profile people. "oh yea, Nicole's with Lindsay. *shrug*" and say it matter-of-factly as if you don't really care, they're your friends, you're cool with them. you guys are how tight with each other. now that's a recipe for coolness eh? (read between the lines. we're pathetic.)

another thing about gossip, its a universal hobby. i don't think there is ANYONE in the world who can honestly swear that he doesn't enjoy juicy news once in a while. Some people say they don't care. well, i'm not saying gossip is the life of everyone but everyone enjoys it from time to time. just to pander to some sick pathetic side of us. seriously. the nicest person engages in gossip. even if not in the sharing, in the receiving. you cant help it. sometimes its just in your face. people want to tell you about it. you can't help it. but you enjoy it don't you? now now don't deny it. i know you do.



*p.s.-the author is so not a big bitch-er. really.
*p.s.2-this post is not promoting bitching. the author realises that it is disgusting. she is just acknowledging how delightful this vice is.

(from stuff.co.nz)
Dutch paedophile party seeks support for election
02 September 2006
.THE HAGUE: A political party formed by Dutch paedophiles tried on Friday to win more support for its campaign to legalise sex with children so it can run in national elections in November.
.
The Brotherly Love, Freedom and Diversity party (PNVD) was launched in May and its campaign for a cut in the age of consent from 16 to 12 and the legalisation of child pornography and sex with animals has provoked widespread outrage in the Netherlands.
.
Party officials said they had gathered over 100 signatures so far but needed to collect several hundred more in the next month to be allowed to run in the November 22 general election.
.
"We think the child should have the freedom to engage in these contacts with peers or with adults, if and when they choose so," party chairman Marthijn Uittenbogaard told a news conference in the parliamentary press centre in The Hague.
.
"What we think is really going on is that people are afraid of the emancipation of children. It is the adults who do not allow the child to have these contacts," he said, adding that research showed children found unforced sex positive or neutral.

Quick Change Artists on America's Got Talent