i already forget how i used to feel about you

what a laugh. its soo funny, soo cheesy..the laundry flying and all that. but its a great song. i love love love the lyrics.


Early in the morning I put breakfast at your table,
and make sure that your coffee has its sugar and cream
Your eggs are overeasy, your toast unlikely
all that's missing is your morning kiss that used to greet me
Now you say the juice is sour, it used to be so sweet,
and I can't help but to wonder if you're talking about me
We don't talk the way we used to talk, it's hurting so deep,
I've got my pride, I will not cry, but it's making me weak
I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down,
and think that everything is okay
Boy I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me

I fought my way through the rush hour trying to make it home just for you
I want to make sure that your dinner will be waiting for you
But when you get there, you just tell me you're not hungry at all
you said you'd rather read the paper and you don't want to talk
You like to think that I'm just crazy when I say that you've changed
I'm convinced I know the problem, you don't love me the same
You're just going through the motions and you're not being fair
I've got my pride, I will not cry, still I can't help but care

I'm not your superwoman(oh no no no)
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
and think that everything is okay
Boy I am only human...(I'm only human)
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me

I'm not your superwoman
I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
and think that everything is okay
Boy I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me

Oooh, baby
Look into the corners of your mind
I'll always be there for you through good and bad times
but I can't be the superwoman that you want me to be
I'll give my everlasting love if you'll return love to me
I'm not your superwoman

I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down
and think that everything is okay
Boy I am only human
This girl needs more than occasional hugs
as a token of love from you to me

Oh...If you feel it in your heart and you understand me
stop right where you are, everybody sing along with me

I'm the kind of girl that can treat you so sweet
but you got to realize that you got to be sweeter to me
I need love, I need just your love, I'm not your superwoman

isn't it strange how people always revel in the misery of other people? we always gather to talk about scandals of other people. we always want to find out about everything sad that's happening. Then we try to talk and understand what goes on, but when we get tired of the novelty, we forget it, dismiss it. And our poor friend is still there, bleeding from the wounds. How many of us actually like sad people? We like the sad events but not the person. We don't care much about happy people, we don't care much about sad people, we only bother about scandals. Sick voyeurism. How many know how to really be a friend, to continue empathising even when you have gotten over your own initial shock? No doubt it is tiring, and your friend may tell you everything is ok, but perhaps your friend knows that it is tiring for you and doesn't want to bother you.

When I studied this in JC it seemed so overly tedious. Later, when I was able to appreciate the form and structure of the poem, I began to think it was truly a piece of art. But it isn't until now that I really understand how astonishingly beautiful it really is. The intricate thoughts and deep confusion, the transition between emotions, the transition of themes within each sonnet and between the sonnets. 14 lines per sonnet, 14 sonnets to make one mega-sonnet. 3 different emotions, 2 transitions per sonnet, similarly there are 3 different emotions 2 transitions in the mega sonnet. Plus the language is just gorgeous, the expressions and references capture the feelings so aptly. Gosh.

Yet I think I have yet to fully appreciate it. The thing about lit is that there is no end to experiencing a single piece of art. It gains depth with one's own life experience, its wisdom resonates with increasing maturity. It shouldn't be made examinable, it may be one of the most wonderful subjects but sadly it is not something that one grasps simply by learning and memorising. It has so much understanding to it, it doesn't mean that because a person can't appreciate a lit piece that he isn't good at it. The thing is, it really requires maturity and sensitivity to really love and appreciate lit. It's not that the person cannot do lit, he just hasn't come to appreciate it yet. I was never good at lit, I had a b4 for my o-levels, I never got above a D in JC. I never really loved what I studied, but slowly its creeping up on me how blessed I am to have done lit, because lit really opens you up to a whole new world, as life gradually equips you with maturity and sensitivity to appreciate it. Lit can really release a person.

This sounds really silly, but it's kind of like Christianity. Words will always just be words, theories will remain theories until you really experience it. You can't be convinced rationally, it's an inward transformation.

Christina Rossetti
Monna Innominata: A Sonnet of Sonnets

1
Lo dì che han detto a' dolci amici addio. - Dante
Amor, con quanto sforzo oggi mi vinci! - Petrarca

Come back to me, who wait and watch for you:--
Or come not yet, for it is over then,
And long it is before you come again,
So far between my pleasures are and few.
While, when you come not, what I do I do
Thinking "Now when he comes," my sweetest when:"
For one man is my world of all the men
This wide world holds; O love, my world is you.
Howbeit, to meet you grows almost a pang
Because the pang of parting comes so soon;
My hope hangs waning, waxing, like a moon
Between the heavenly days on which we meet:
Ah me, but where are now the songs I sang
When life was sweet because you call'd them sweet?

2
Era già 1'ora che volge il desio. - Dante
Ricorro al tempo ch' io vi vidi prima. - Petrarca

I wish I could remember that first day,
First hour, first moment of your meeting me,
If bright or dim the season, it might be
Summer or winter for aught I can say;
So unrecorded did it slip away,
So blind was I to see and to foresee,
So dull to mark the budding of my tree
That would not blossom yet for many a May.
If only I could recollect it, such
A day of days! I let it come and go
As traceless as a thaw of bygone snow;
It seem'd to mean so little, meant so much;
If only now I could recall that touch,
First touch of hand in hand--Did one but know!

3
O ombre vane, fuor che ne l'aspetto! - Dante
Immaginata guida la conduce. - Petrarca

I dream of you to wake: would that I might
Dream of you and not wake but slumber on;
Nor find with dreams the dear companion gone,
As summer ended summer birds take flight.
In happy dreams I hold you full in sight,
I blush again who waking look so wan;
Brighter than sunniest day that ever shone,
In happy dreams your smile makes day of night.
Thus only in a dream we are at one,
Thus only in a dream we give and take
The faith that maketh rich who take or give;
If thus to sleep is sweeter than to wake,
To die were surely sweeter than to live,
Though there be nothing new beneath the sun.

4
Poca favilla gran fliamma seconda. - Dante
Ogni altra cosa, ogni pensier va fore,
E sol ivi con voi rimansi amore. - Petrarca

I lov'd you first: but afterwards your love
Outsoaring mine, sang such a loftier song
As drown'd the friendly cooings of my dove.
Which owes the other most? my love was long,
And yours one moment seem'd to wax more strong;
I lov'd and guess'd at you, you construed me--
And lov'd me for what might or might not be
Nay, weights and measures do us both a wrong.
For verily love knows not "mine" or "thine;"
With separate "I" and "thou" free love has done,
For one is both and both are one in love:
Rich love knows nought of "thine that is not mine;"
Both have the strength and both the length thereof,
Both of us, of the love which makes us one.

5
Amor che a nullo amato amar perdona. - Dante
Amor m'addusse in sì gioiosa spene. - Petrarca

O my heart's heart, and you who are to me
More than myself myself, God be with you,
Keep you in strong obedience leal and true
To Him whose noble service setteth free,
Give you all good we see or can foresee,
Make your joys many and your sorrows few,
Bless you in what you bear and what you do,
Yea, perfect you as He would have you be.
So much for you; but what for me, dear friend?
To love you without stint and all I can
Today, tomorrow, world without an end;
To love you much and yet to love you more,
As Jordan at his flood sweeps either shore;
Since woman is the helpmeet made for man.

6
Or puoi la quantitate
Comprender de l'amor che a te mi scalda. - Dante
Non vo' che da tal nodo mi scioglia. - Petrarca

Trust me, I have not earn'd your dear rebuke,
I love, as you would have me, God the most;
Would lose not Him, but you, must one be lost,
Nor with Lot's wife cast back a faithless look
Unready to forego what I forsook;
This say I, having counted up the cost,
This, though I be the feeblest of God's host,
The sorriest sheep Christ shepherds with His crook.
Yet while I love my God the most, I deem
That I can never love you overmuch;
I love Him more, so let me love you too;
Yea, as I apprehend it, love is such
I cannot love you if I love not Him,
I cannot love Him if I love not you.

7
Qui primavera sempre ed ogni frutto. - Dante
Ragionando con meco ed io con lui. - Petrarca

"Love me, for I love you"--and answer me,
"Love me, for I love you"--so shall we stand
As happy equals in the flowering land
Of love, that knows not a dividing sea.
Love builds the house on rock and not on sand,
Love laughs what while the winds rave desperately;
And who hath found love's citadel unmann'd?
And who hath held in bonds love's liberty?
My heart's a coward though my words are brave
We meet so seldom, yet we surely part
So often; there's a problem for your art!
Still I find comfort in his Book, who saith,
Though jealousy be cruel as the grave,
And death be strong, yet love is strong as death.

8
Come dicesse a Dio: D'altro non calme. - Dante
Spero trovar pietà non che perdono. - Petrarca

"I, if I perish, perish"--Esther spake:
And bride of life or death she made her fair
In all the lustre of her perfum'd hair
And smiles that kindle longing but to slake.
She put on pomp of loveliness, to take
Her husband through his eyes at unaware;
She spread abroad her beauty for a snare,
Harmless as doves and subtle as a snake.
She trapp'd him with one mesh of silken hair,
She vanquish'd him by wisdom of her wit,
And built her people's house that it should stand:--
If I might take my life so in my hand,
And for my love to Love put up my prayer,
And for love's sake by Love be granted it!

9
O dignitosa coscienza e netta! - Dante
Spirto più acceso di virtuti ardenti. - Petrarca

Thinking of you, and all that was, and all
That might have been and now can never be,
I feel your honour'd excellence, and see
Myself unworthy of the happier call:
For woe is me who walk so apt to fall,
So apt to shrink afraid, so apt to flee,
Apt to lie down and die (ah, woe is me!)
Faithless and hopeless turning to the wall.
And yet not hopeless quite nor faithless quite,
Because not loveless; love may toil all night,
But take at morning; wrestle till the break
Of day, but then wield power with God and man:--
So take I heart of grace as best I can,
Ready to spend and be spent for your sake.

10
"Con miglior corso e con migliore stella."—Dante
"La vitaj-ugge e non s'arresta un' ora."-Petrarca

Time flies, hope flags, life plies a wearied wing;
Death following hard on life gains ground apace;
Faith runs with each and rears an eager face,
Outruns the rest, makes light of everything,
Spurns earth, and still finds breath to pray and sing;
While love ahead of all uplifts his praise,
Still asks for grace and still gives thanks for grace,
Content with all day brings and night will bring.
Life wanes; and when love folds his wings above
Tired hope, and less we feel his conscious pulse,
Let us go fall asleep, dear friend, in peace:
A little while, and age and sorrow cease;
A little while, and life reborn annuls
Loss and decay and death, and all is love.

11
Vien dietro a me e lascia dir le genti. - Dante
Contando i casi della vita nostra. - Petrarca

Many in aftertimes will say of you
"He lov'd her"--while of me what will they say?
Not that I lov'd you more than just in play,
For fashion's sake as idle women do.
Even let them prate; who know not what we knew
Of love and parting in exceeding pain,
Of parting hopeless here to meet again,
Hopeless on earth, and heaven is out of view.
But by my heart of love laid bare to you,
My love that you can make not void nor vain,
Love that foregoes you but to claim anew
Beyond this passage of the gate of death,
I charge you at the Judgment make it plain
My love of you was life and not a breath.

12
Amor, che ne la mente mi ragiona. - Dante
Amor vien nel bel viso di costei. - Petrarca

If there be any one can take my place
And make you happy whom I grieve to grieve,
Think not that I can grudge it, but believe
I do commend you to that nobler grace,
That readier wit than mine, that sweeter face;
Yea, since your riches make me rich, conceive
I too am crown'd, while bridal crowns I weave,
And thread the bridal dance with jocund pace.
For if I did not love you, it might be
That I should grudge you some one dear delight;
But since the heart is yours that was mine own,
Your pleasure is my pleasure, right my right,
Your honourable freedom makes me free,
And you companion'd I am not alone.

13
E drizzeremo gli occhi al Primo Amore. - Dante
Ma trovo peso non da le mie braccia. - Petrarca

If I could trust mine own self with your fate,
Shall I not rather trust it in God's hand?
Without Whose Will one lily doth not stand,
Nor sparrow fall at his appointed date;
Who numbereth the innumerable sand,
Who weighs the wind and water with a weight,
To Whom the world is neither small nor great,
Whose knowledge foreknew every plan we plann'd.
Searching my heart for all that touches you,
I find there only love and love's goodwill
Helpless to help and impotent to do,
Of understanding dull, of sight most dim;
And therefore I commend you back to Him
Whose love your love's capacity can fill.

14
E la Sua Volontade è nostra pace. - Dante
Sol con questi pensier, con altre chiome. - Petrarca

Youth gone, and beauty gone if ever there
Dwelt beauty in so poor a face as this;
Youth gone and beauty, what remains of bliss?
I will not bind fresh roses in my hair,
To shame a cheek at best but little fair,--
Leave youth his roses, who can bear a thorn,--
I will not seek for blossoms anywhere,
Except such common flowers as blow with corn.
Youth gone and beauty gone, what doth remain?
The longing of a heart pent up forlorn,
A silent heart whose silence loves and longs;
The silence of a heart which sang its songs
While youth and beauty made a summer morn,
Silence of love that cannot sing again.

im sick. horrible headaches, my stomach feels knotted. i blame it on the crappy weather, furnace-hot one moment, incessant raining the next, or it could be raining and hot at the same time. baah. im not thinking straight, my mind is racing, im not sure i know what im doing or what im saying.

How lovely the deception,
Your black black heart.
To hate to love, as hate love entwined
Not yet forsaken yet long forgotten

Like the nondescript morning glory
Left to die as Helio retreats
That waxes and withers, wistful willing weak.

If you would pull away, my wearisome love;
Yet come again, if only for a while

The untold tale of a broken heart,
Eternity yoked in one abject loop.

and I still remember how, your heart turned cold, so cold I ached with numbness. How I cried and how I died inside, but through the tears and pain, still the ambers glowed deep within me, while I waited for the flames to die down. You come and go, leaving me with no way out. One tiresome cycle, that never seems to end. How would I ever know if you love me, if you ever did, if you ever will?

When I first heard that my brother's ex-girlfriend was getting married at 22, I admit my first reaction was "hoho.. shotgun marriage." Because, much as it is my wish to get married before 25, I realise it is a near impossibility. Ok, it is impossible.

Firstly, I certainly don't have the money to get married. I should become a lawyer by February 2009. I'll be 25 by Sept 2005. That gives me 19 months to save at least $200 000. Plus, if I really want to take my masters, all my savings by then should be channelled into my education fund, leaving me zilch to start a new life. I know most people rely on their parents to support them financially when the time comes to leave the nest. Unfortunately, I really don't want to take anything from my parents because I just don't really think it is right. Plus they have four children, which is already a huge burden on them, taking into consideration that their sons will never make it into local universities. Not that my parents cannot afford it, or that they would mind helping out, but really, I would hope to be independent by 25, not relying on my parents for hand-outs when I'm a quarter of a century old.

Secondly, I want to get my masters, which means I'll probably only get it at 2011, by then I'll be 25 going on 26.

Thirdly, I don't have a boyfriend. I don't have a target. So unless I marry myself, marriage is a far far faraway possibility.

Fourthly, and most importantly, I seem to have lost all my trust in relationships. Having witnessed/gone through the demise of relationships that lasted more than 3 years, sometimes even 8 years, it made me wonder when a relationship is truly stable, and whether it can last for life. When you are in the initial stages of a relationship, you always think that this person is so meant for you, you are so right for each other, but who knows? After 5 years, will you eventually tire out? Like the eligible guy Debbie Ong talked about, there are so many beautiful women out in the world, he couldn't possibly commit to one alone. They were so close to marriage, yet the guy realised that he just couldn't commit. How can you tell when a relationship will truly last for life?

Can love really last forever? Is it dependent on looks or feelings? I just don't see everlasting love anymore. In Desperate Housewives, Susan's dad comments on how his wife is 60 and "the bells stopped ringing for [him] long ago." It's like once a woman's boobs, skin, butt start to droop, when elasticity is no longer there, that guys just stop loving. On the contrary, guys don't seem to have this problem because they can actually look better as they age. They gain wealth and acquire a new air of dignity, which makes them more attractive as they grow older.

Or is love and fidelity separate? In Shanghai Baby, the german guy Mark who cheated on his wife said that loving a person and staying faithful are 2 different things. I really don't know. This is the one thing that really stumps me. I remember this girl in church who told me last year after what happened, that a guy who can cheat does not truly love the girlfriend. Yet I have other people telling me how you can cheat but still love a person.

Basically, all I'm saying is, what is the security you have in marriage? I used to think that marriage could make a woman feel secure, that she has this man to count on. But there's always divorce. There's always infidelity. How secure is that for a woman? She can still get dumped, she can still be left alone, she can still be abandoned. So is it better to be married and neglected, with children and a husband without love and trust, or to be single and alone?

During family law, we were asked what a marriage was, whether it was a contract or a covenant or something else. The scary thing about relationships is that you really cannot equate it to a contract can you? Even in marriage, its not truly a case of "signed sealed delivered, I'm yours." At least in a contract, you can implement steps so that where there is a breach you can get some form of compensation, reparations. Sadly, you can't do that in a relationship. If the person leaves, he leaves. Can you compel a man's heart to remain unchanging forever? Marriages have both the action aspect and the emotional aspect. It's not just how you behave while you're married, its also how you feel towards each other. The legal world may be able to regulate the first, but how about the latter? Contracts can only govern how individuals act towards each other, they cannot govern how we feel towards each other. For that reason, marriages cannot be likened to contracts. To do so would be to ridicule the sanctity of marriage (if it is sanctified at all), to undermine the complex emotional background behind the marriage, to relegate it to a mere transaction between two unfeeling unemotional beings.

What then, is the point of marriage? I'm really beginning to lose sight of what is important. Clearly, marriage is not the end goal, because it doesn't end there. Maybe it really is just a license to have sex. Sometimes, I really want my husband to be just a robot like in Stepford Wives.

Proverbs 3

1 My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart,
2 for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity.
3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.
4 Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.
8 This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.
9 Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops;
10 then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.
11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke,
12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.
13 Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding,
14 for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold.
15 She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.
16 Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor.
17 Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace.
18 She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed.
19 By wisdom the LORD laid the earth's foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place;
20 by his knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew.
21 My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight;
22 they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck.
23 Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble;
24 when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
25 Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked,
26 for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared.
27 Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.
28 Do not say to your neighbor, "Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow"— when you now have it with you.
29 Do not plot harm against your neighbor, who lives trustfully near you.
30 Do not accuse a man for no reason— when he has done you no harm.
31 Do not envy a violent man or choose any of his ways,
32 for the LORD detests a perverse man but takes the upright into his confidence.
33 The LORD's curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the home of the righteous.
34 He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble.
35 The wise inherit honor, but fools he holds up to shame.

Now you say you're lonely
You cry the long night through
Well, you can cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you

Now you say you're sorry
For being so untrue
Well, you can cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you

You drove me, nearly drove me, out of my head
While you never shed a tear
Remember, I remember, all that you said
You told me love was too plebeian
Told me you were through with me and

Now you say you love me
Well, just to prove you do
Come on and cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you
I cried a river over you
I cried a river...over you...

:: I'm not the kind of girl that you can let down ::
:: And think that everything's okay ::

I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope its over when I open them

I want the things that I had before
Like a star wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again

Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words that make me wanna cry

Close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels who make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you're little
And the worlds so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now
Please dont tell me everything is wonderful now

I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it's all okay
I laugh aloud so my friends wont know
When the bell rings I just dont wanna go home


NoNo, I dont wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
NoNo, I dont wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now
I dont wanna hear you say
That I will understand someday

No, no, no, no
I dont wanna hear you say
You both have grown in a different way
No, no, no, no
I dont wanna meet your friends
And I dont wanna start over again

I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please dont tell me everything is wonderful now...
I dont wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

i hate rnb music while im driving. all the random beepings in the music make me think people are horning me.