i already forget how i used to feel about you

Divorce: Future tense of marriage
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other
Lecture: an art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either
Conference: the confusion of one man multiplied by the number present
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears: the hydaulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouths.
Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip
Father: A banker provided by nature
Doctor: A person who kills you ills by pills and kills you with his bills.



Reasons why English teachers die young
(Analogies and metaphors found in compositions of English Language students)

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides compressed by a ThighMaster.
2. She had a deep throaty laugh, like the sound a dog makes before it throws up
3. He was as tall as a 6foot 3inch tree
4. The boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
5. He fell 12 storeys, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
6. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
7. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
8. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
9. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
10. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan might just work.
11. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he though he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
12. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs
13. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
14. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
15. Her eyes were like 2 goldfish swimming around.