i already forget how i used to feel about you

everything reminds me of you. the roads travelled, conversations, places i pass, advertisements, food, songs, everything. i see you in everything i see and do. i cant deny that i still feel for you and a part of me lingers in our memories.


but i know its not my fault. its nothing that i did and im not unworthy of you. it's you who does not know what you want. you who does not cherish what you have. you who cannot live without companionship. you're a coward who won't face to your mistakes and only see and believe what you want to believe. you lack integrity and strong moral principles. you lack maturity and a strong Godly faith. promises and covenants mean nothing to you and one day you will be judged for it. rumours that you have spread about me will shatter and the truth will be known one day. even if it doesn't, our Father knows and i stand guiltless before the Almighty. You, on the other hand, shall have to face his wrath.


i know that this time it's really over. you're not worth it. cheating three times says a lot about your character. this time im not going to protect you and lie for you. this time i will tell the truth about what happened and not fake a smile when i want to cry. i will cry when i want to, i will shout if i have to. for once in so many years, i shall be honest with myself and true to my feelings. i will not be your scapegoat any longer and tell ppl you're wonderful and im terrible. i will no longer suffer the brunt of your incessant untrue rumours.


when i was with you, i was ridiculously and insanely happy. with all my heart, i mean every word of it. every day with you was a series of heightened sensations and i lived among the clouds. i nv wanted to leave you and i wished each moment could be stretched. i honestly believed you would make it right this final time. with you, i felt emotions i never felt before, and emotions that i cant possibly replicate in another man for a long time to come.


but i know i must let go. life goes on and i cannot grieve forever. i wish i could just drop everything and recover but i know i cannot. I cannot remember what life was like without you, i have changed into a different person with you. I have become better and more patient and that much you have taught me. not everything was a mistake. our love was pure for the first few years and it was the experience of a lifetime.


without you, i have lost myself. i have lost the confidence to carry on with life and its challenges. i never knew i could be reduced like this but you have this power to make me so small. but i shall carry on not on my own strength but the Lord's strength and the encouragement from the many many friends and family who care. I have lost the happy me i was before you but im trying hard to find her again. love made me blind but i will see again. i shall let my head rule my heart and God rule my life.


it will be difficult but i will try. and i know, one day, no matter how long it takes, i will be happy again. right now it feels impossible but it is possible. i may not see it now, but i shall emerge stronger and happier. my suffering has a purpose for which i will find out in the future. im only a child who cannot see the big picture.