i already forget how i used to feel about you

Ever since i was a little girl, i have enjoyed doing personality quizes. Isn't it silly that people want to "discover" who we are and pigeonhole ourselves in the midst of such discovery? Maybe there is no such thing as "you are an extrovert" or "you are an introvert". Maybe we are extroverted at times and introverted at times. We are a unique mixture of many things and there shouldn't be a dichotomised us.

A friend once told me that we wear many masks to suit various occasions. That there really isn't a REAL you behind all these various masks. All these masks are the real you. I'm beginning to see the sense behind his words. We are all interesting hybrids of each other, of various characters. We act according to different circumstances and we display a certain mask from our range of veneers.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that life is a mere masquerade, a facade of sorts. What I am saying is that each of us have numerous sides to us and that we're not merely one-dimensional but have many facets and have colourful kaleidoscope-like personalities because each of us have different layers and shadows and depths to ourselves.

My friend also opined that we don't have a single identity but many. That I disagree. We have a single identity that is multi-faceted. In the many veneers that we display, some we display more often than others. Perhaps that is our predominant side of our identity. That is not to say that the other less-displayed masks fail to make up who we are too. All these masks make up one identity.

We're not schizophrenic because in schizophrenia the multi sides to the person are exclusive. On the other hand, we have perfectly compatible sides to us. These sides may appear contraditory at times but they coexist and the appearance of one side does not deny the existence of another. Whereas in schizophrenia you cannot be both at the very same time. The different characters exist in the same body but not in the same breath.

It is often said that the burning question of modern man is the search of self-identity. Delving deeper than this, let's ask ourselves why this is the burning question. Why is the discovery of self-identity all so imperative to our existence? It is because we want to know who we are that we attempt to dichotomise ourselves into factions, choosing to see ourselves as one kind rather than another is it not?

We all like to see ourselves as being characters of principles, with strong roots and values, rather than malleable and easily-manipulated creatures. Perhaps that is why we have this tendency to WANT to pigeonhole ourselves. So that we will act and choose our ways according to those characteristics that we have restricted ourselves to.

This is why we are resistant to the idea that we have various masks to ourselves because it implies that we do not have strong self-identities. Yet this thinking is dim. Just because we have various sides to ourselves does not make us weak characters. Rigidity does not determine strength. Even if stubbornness and obduracy may imply tenacity, variety does not imply the lack of tenacity or necessary compliance.

What may be said is that having so many dimensions to us give us the excuse to say that "this is who I am" when it is actually not who we are. Which is exactly the problem of pigeonholing ourselves. Why is it that once we display a certain facet or side as another person that we automatically become synonymous with the other person? Sure, there may be overlaps but being similar and being identical are vastly different concepts.

There can be 2 playful persons with hugely contrasting values and principles. Just because they share a similar side does not make them identical to each other. When one of them relaxes and conforms to the principles of the other person, he should not have the excuse to say "but this is also who I am" because it is not who he is.

Pigeonholing may create this falsified sense of belonging to a certain ethos, and sometimes we fear that if we don't pigeonhole we end up losing more and more of ourselves. What I'm saying is that it is an antiquated concept. Pigeonholing restricts us unduly because we psyche ourselves into thinking we have only these certain dimensions or elements to ourselves. We close doors and confine ourselves to the boundaries of the cubbyhole we have delineated ourselves and we lose the real us as we inhibit the parts of us that fall out of the margins that we have drawn.

On the other hand, not pigeonholing ourselves does not give us an excuse to betray who we are because it does not create multiple personalities. It merely acknowledges that we are all different beings.