i already forget how i used to feel about you

the truth about addictions.

i was watching oprah winfrey (now now. for the millionth time, it's not a trashy show!) and the topic of the day was about teenage girls addictions. Some are addicted to alcohol, some to drugs, some to sex, some to food, some to cutting themselves, some to violence and the list goes on.

What struck me was how each and everyone of them had something in common. All these addictions were but fronts to hide something. Some emotional hurt, a shameful past, a part of their lives that they were unwilling to confront. There was this guest on the show who said something so insightful it carved onto my memory. She said "you use alcohol to run away because when you're knocked out you don't have to deal with anything. You dig a hole for yourself to escape into. But this hole can be so deep it can eventually be your grave." what powerful words and how oh-so-true they are. Addictions are not merely physical compulsions. They go deeper than that. They are more emotional and mental than anything else.

Each of us is addicted to something for the way it helps us deal with something. Some people are addicted to love. They can't live without being attached. They are addicted to the feeling of being loved and in love because it makes them feel special and gives them a sudden focus in their lives. The other topic of the day in the show about girls who were abused by their boyfriends. I see these girls as being addicted to their boyfriends because they wouldn't leave their other halves even when they have had their heads bashed and lips cut and whatever else. These girls are addicted to how the relationship makes them feel, clinging onto "love" even when they know it's probably anything but "love".

Everyone of us has an addiction and it all boils down to how it makes us feel. Strangely, addictions can feel empowering. When you play well in a game you feel empowered. When you gamble and win, you feel empowered. The irony of it is that this empowerment is nothing but empowerment for the addiction because you just go deeper and deeper in it and lose more of yourself. Some are addicted to smoking. It's not just the nicotine that keeps smokers addicted. It's the ritual, the habit. It's the way smoking relieves. Again, it's the way smoking helps them feel. Some people binge. Some people shop. We do all this to escape from something momentarily. For just a split moment, to be empowered.

There was another segment in the show focusing on mean girls in high school and how they traumatised the lesser popular girls. Dr. Robin Cook is a famous teenage psychologist and she said that all bullies bully because they hate themselves. The more I think about it, the truer it is. SO many of us gossip and put people down. We cut others and tear them apart. We make them feel smaller than they actually are. Sometimes we are jealous of that person. Sometimes we're not. Sometimes we genuinely feel "higher and better" than that inferior person. But one thing that always remains true is that we cut people down to feel better about ourselves. When others are small we appear big. Which is why Dr. Cook says bullies bully because they hate themselves. They hate themselves and want others to feel smaller so they can be bigger. Bullies are insecure and attack the self-esteem of others so others can feel like they do. They empower themselves not by adding something to themselves but by taking something away from others. Again, I say these people are addicted to bullying and mean behaviour because of the way bullying empowers them or at least, gives them a false sense of empowerment.

The truth about addictions is that addictions empower us momentarily. An escape for a while. It's a falsified sense of empowerment. This empowerment can be an active sense of feeling better than what we really are, or passive by giving us an escape. What we are addicted to is not the addiction per se. Rather, we are addicted to the way this addiction empowers us even if it's just momentarily.

did that make sense?