i already forget how i used to feel about you

Lie to me, I promise I'll believe. Lie to me, just please don't leave.

I am not happy these days because the people around me are not happy. So many of them with dashed hopes and failed expectations. So many of them living in lies to cope with the lies of other people, choosing to believe in excuses they have created rather than the plain reality. They choose to be deluded because it is less painful than admitting the truth.

When do promises cease to hold effect? Do our promises mean nothing the moment relationships come to an end? Or do promises come with qualifying clauses? If I promised to love you forever, if I promise that you will be the love of my life, am I lying when I love someone else later on after the relationship we have now dies? Can you love me if I had promised to love someone else forever? Could you love a liar like me?

People don't want to let go even when it is over because once they do, it really is over, the end of the perfect love. Perfect love is persistent, it does not waver even if turned away. It is unconditional. Doesn't that mean that perfect love remains even when unrequitted?

I'm weird. I want to believe in a perfect love. I admire those who continue loving even when the relationship is gone. They are foolish and stupid but their honesty and loyalty to the one they love is impressive. I know I'm not that noble and I wouldn't ever tell my friends to persevere when the other person has already moved on. Yet when they do persevere, I'm always filled with both disgust and jealousy. Disgust because it is so stupid. Jealousy because they have such pure love that I could never muster.

I don't want to be a Daniel, I refuse to be.